Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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