I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
