I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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