I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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