While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
