I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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