I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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