Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
