Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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