Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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