I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
