I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So much rum. So many feels.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize