I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
