They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
