He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
