I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
