I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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