i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
