it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
