Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was like eating out sand paper
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
