you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
