I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I love having hate sex.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
