so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She bit a glass in half.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
