I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
