Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
