$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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