At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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