The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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