remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
