Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize