Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
