smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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