while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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