I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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