Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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