Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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