Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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