I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
