I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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