I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
