i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
