i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
