You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
