I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
