batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
