How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
