I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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