Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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