Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fuck appropriateness.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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