i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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