talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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