You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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