I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
