I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
