Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you win again, gameday.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse