I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis