Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?