You're my little dorito
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life