I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.