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I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
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