You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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